Hello, Pleasure Seeker
National Orgasm Day: Celebrate it whole heartedly because female pleasure is an act of rebellion
Female pleasure is an act of rebellion, did you know that? Since the dawn of patriarchy, womxn’s pleasure has been continually seen as deviant, ‘loose’ and sinful. As a result, not much is taught about how to get off and get off well with many women never reaching orgasm.
Research suggests that almost 10-20% of women never reach climax, which is saddening to me. Because giving yourself an orgasm is without a doubt the biggest form of self-care you can practice. I’m not joshing you, the science behind orgasms suggest that reaching climax can help you manage physical pain, emotional well-being and improve self-esteem. This is thanks to the release of hormones oxytocin and dopamine that quickly flood the body making it feel real good.
For many of us, we’re taught that straight up penetrative sex is the only way we are able to have ‘good sex’. Truth is this is a one-sided affair and over 45% of women never come from penetration alone, so it’s not such a surprise that 74% of women fake an orgasm at one time or another.
In a heterosexual or mixed-sex rendes-vouz performative sex is often the burden of the woman. I know for one that I have often felt that sex is something that’s done to me and not something that I have participated in; that is until I began exploring my bisexuality. Exploring same-sex sex allowed me to fully experience a spectrum of pleasure that has resulted in me having wildly better same-sex encounters too.
There is a reason for this. Our sex education stops when we are 15/16 years old, and let’s be honest it’s hetero-centric and it’s male-centric when it comes to understanding pleasure. We are taught that 1) intercourse ends when the man comes and 2) sex is for procreation and procreation alone.
It’s sad, but many young people are finding their sex ed in porn, meaning that many younguns learn from a very early age that to be a good shag you have to put on a performance for the man that’s ploughing you. Now, before you grab your torch and pitchforks, there’s nothing wrong with watching porn, but when you’re young and have very little experience in the bedroom department, learning what orgasms look like and how to reach them from an intensely fetishised and often, (not always), degrading gaze is certainly not healthy.
If this resonates with you, then you’re not alone. If you want more advice or some help navigating this topic check out US Non-Profit Fight The New Drug which has some excellent resources that are non-religious and non-legislative; just facts and personal accounts.
How to have a better orgasm this national orgasm day
Now you know you’re not alone in your quest for a blast-off-inducing-orgasm. Let me share with you a couple of brands I know and love that help me reach for the sky.
Myth: You only need lube if you’re old and past it.
Fact: Lube makes everything better.
It is always better, down where it’s wetter so let me link you up with my fave lube from HANX
Vegan, cruelty-free and non-sticky; this all-natural paraben-free lube is an absolute blinder. No scent, and a natural feel developed by professionals.
2. Good Vibrations
It comes down to preference, but to me, there’s nothing better than something that hits the spots – plural intended.
This is why my go-to fave is a simple and very affordable toy from Love Honey. Perfect for a slow build, variety and a big-bang.
There’s nothing dirty about smut, especially with well-being at its core. If you’re looking for a mindful guide to better sex than download the FERLY app and prepare for a totally sexual emersion.
Explore eroticism, prioritise pleasure and cultivate confidence.